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I Feel Like I'm Flying

Gay title, I know. But it's true. I have never felt so care-free and okay. Basically I am crazy in love and I am certain it's for keeps this time. :)

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It's Called Karma Baby

Well Katie said it best: "I sometimes feel that, as a white girl, my grieving process is somewhat lacking..."


Weren't you the one who said that you don't want me anymore?
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me,
And still you said your love was gone and that I had to leave.

Now you...talking bout a family
Now you...sayin' I complete your dreams
Now you...sayin' I'm you're everything
You're confusing me
What you saying to me, don't play wit me, don't play wit me
Cause

What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me.
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin, desirin', to come back.

I remember when I was sittin' home alone
Waitin' for you til 3 o'clock in the 'morn.
And when you came home you'd always have some sorry excuse
Half explaining to me like I'm just some kind of a fool.
I sacrificed the things I wanted just to do things for you
But when it's time to do for me
You never come through.

Now you...wanna be up under me
Now you...have so much to say to me
Now...you wanna make time for me
Whatcha doin' to me, you're confusin' me
Don't play wit me, don't play wit me.

Exile - Slayer

Even though some things are better left unsaid
There's a few things I need to get off my chest
I need to vent - let me tell you why

I'm suicidal, maniacal, self-destructive
You leave me no hope, no life
Nothing worth living for
I've taken it, can't take it anymore
My worst nightmare
You make me want to slit my own fucking throat
Just so I'll be rid of you
Just to get rid of you

You self-righteous fuck
Give me a reason not to rip your fucking face off
Why don't you take a good look in these eyes
Cause I'm the one that's gonna tear your fucking heart
out
My hate is contagious; you've got no one to run to

Just tell me fucking why everything becomes an issue
Your opinion is always senseless - fuck this
You make my fucking skin crawl
I've lived with it - can't stand anymore
My worst nightmare
I want to take a bullet in the fucking head
Every time I think of you, every time I think of you

You self-righteous fuck
Give me a reason not to rip your fucking face off
Why don't you take a good look in these eyes
Cause I'm the one that's gonna tear your fucking heart
out
My hate is contagious
Anyone else need to vent?
You've tried my tolerance; I just want you to die

There's nothing more for me to say
There's nothing more for you to say
There's nothing more for us to say
I fucking hate you anyway

Can't count the ways that you light my fucking fuse
I can't tolerate the sight of you, the thought of you or
anything about you
You know what I want to see?
How many ways can a loser fucking lose
I know you'll find a way
The humility awakening the idiot inside
You spineless fucking maggot - you're just wasting my
time
Get out of my face - Get out of my life
Out of my fucking way - Just die
I thought that I could not be hurt;
I thought that I must surely be -
impervious to suffering -
immune to pain
or agony

My world was warm with April sun
my thoughts were spangled green and gold
my soul filled up with joy, yet
felt the sharp, sweet pain that only joy
can hold

My spirit soared above the gulls
that, swooping breathlessly so high
o´erhead, now seem to brush their whir-
ring wings against the blue roof of
the sky

(How frail the human heart must be-
a throbbing pulse, a trembling thing-
a fragile, shining instrument
of crystal, which can either weep,
or sing)

Then, suddenly my world turned gray,
and darkness wiped aside my joy.
A dull and aching void was left
where careless hands had reached out to
destroy

my silver web of happiness.
The hands then stopped in wonderment,
for, loving me, they wept to see
the tattered ruins of my firma-
ment

(How frail the human heart must be-
a mirrored pool of thought. So deep
and tremulous an instrument
of glass that it can either sing,
or weep).


Sylvia's first poem-1975 (if you do the math, she was 14!) And I was recently re-reading The Bell Jar so there is more Sylvia to come-just a forewarning.

mail from the farm

Dear Allison Elizabeth Morrill,
I have been picking rocks for four days. You will like it here. These people give me oreos! And so yes I wanted to tell you to please bring me my rainbow suspenders and also to say that this is a place of relaxing attitudes. Also, I learned how to drive a tractor before I learned how to drive a car.

Love, Peter Breakfast

All Those Lovers Are Liars

I've always thought of myself as a trafficker of broken hearts, an arms dealer in sweet nothings and smoldering kisses. But lately all the heart breaking has been happening to me.
What I would do if I had a time machine: intercept myself walking down congress street  and say "Allison don't go to Slainte-go to Geno's like you planned on." But chances are I probably would say to From-The -Future Allison that I was full of shit (stubborn as a mule) and go anyway but at least this time I'd be going with this warning: "Don't trust those New York Jewish boys; no matter how cute and charming they are. They will only break your heart."

Apr. 1st, 2009

I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me."
"Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection, even if it kills them slowly within."

-Sigmund Freud

Drugs or Me

Revisited the "Futures" album with Miss Dunn the other day. Funny how I can apply this song to someone as well as have it be applied to me.


Stay with me
You're the one I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy

Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise you promise that you're done
But i cant tell you from the drugs

Don't let go
Well dig a great big hole
Down an endless hole
We'll both go

You're so blind!
You can't save me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise you promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

I wish you could see
This face in front of me
You're sorry you swear it you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs




Oh boy...

Well to keep it short: I left half my brain in NYC.
9th day of sobriety.
I hate these transitional periods.

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